作者: 文忠

  • The Ledger of Siddhartha

    Word is, someone is going to expound the Dharma.

    The dais for the lecture is, as usual, high. The smoke from the incense and candles drifts upward, mingling with the white breath exhaled by the devotees, blurring the up-turned faces. The speaker speaks of “suffering,” of “emptiness,” of “compassion.” Below, some sigh, some shed tears, as if they have finally found the true answer to life. I have never been one to understand much of this, only wondering where the roots of this “answer” truly lie.

    I. On “Samsara”: A Perpetual Pawnshop
    The first brick in the grand edifice of the Dharma is, I fear, not “compassion,” but “samsara” – the cycle of rebirth.
    It is an ingenious invention. It stretches the ledger of life instantly, from the single page of this life to the endless pages of past and future lives. Why the suffering in this life? Debts incurred in a past life. Why the lowly status in this life? Misdeeds committed in bygone days. Everything is accounted for, not by human law or government, but within each person’s own unseen ledger of “karma.” Thus, the aggrieved can endure with peace of mind; the suffering can accept their lot as sweet. After all, it’s “you reap what you sow,” having nothing to do with others or the ways of the world.
    If one pulls out this brick of “samsara,” the entire edifice would come crashing down. Without that infinitely extendable ledger, the suffering and lowliness of this life become an unaccountable mess, a stark, unavoidable injustice of the human world that must be faced head-on. How could that be allowed? Thus, this “samsara” becomes the most crucial ballast, offering a sliver of resigned stability amidst the stormy seas of fate. This stability is cold, yet for some, it is more vital than a warm meal.

    II. On “Caste”: A Spiritual Poultice
    In Siddhartha’s time, India’s caste system was more immovable than a mountain.
    Anyone with eyes could see the rigid barriers. Born a Shudra, forever a Shudra; born a Brahmin, forever a Brahmin. The fleshly body seemed stamped with a seal at birth. This system, though “ancient,” was like a festering sore on a leg – exposed, unsightly, throbbing with a latent pain that threatened trouble.
    So, the Dharma offered a spiritual poultice. It said: Hold your complaints about your birth. See that Brahmin? His present nobility may be the fruit of past cultivation. You, this Shudra? Your present lowliness may stem from past negligence. All is the “fruit of karma,” perfectly just. Endure, and cultivate your future life. This poultice does not heal the sore on the leg, but specializes in numbing the pain. Apply it, and the sore remains, but the pain becomes hazy and distant, transformed into fodder for “cultivation.” The iron curtain of the system is thus draped with a veil of compassion, appearing softer, and consequently, more firmly entrenched.

    III. On “Under the Bodhi Tree”: A Prince’s State Budget
    That Siddhartha was a prince is a point of utmost importance.
    A prince sees the world differently from a farmer. The farmer sees only his own field and water; the prince must see the harvests of all the kingdom’s fields, the distribution of its waterways, and the “peace” that maintains all this without disorder. His “position” dictates that his question is not “How can I be happy?” but “How can the multitudes remain each in their place, without rebellion?”
    Thus, under the Bodhi tree, what he balanced was perhaps not merely personal anguish, but a vast state budget. Warfare is costly, suppression is bloody, while the channeling of thought is the most economical. The prescription he devised was to turn each person inward, to settle their own private ledger of “karma,” and not to join hands in settling the collective account of the world’s injustices.
    This is not conspiracy; it is perhaps a form of supremely shrewd, compassionate wisdom. In an age where caste was iron-clad and change seemed hopeless, he gave the hopeless “hope” (a future life), gave the angry an “explanation” (karmic retribution), and gave everyone an inward path, lest they all gaze outward at that immovable high wall together. The peace of the kingdom was thus quietly maintained within the masses’ “self-awareness.”


    Epilogue
    I do not say the Dharma is without merit. For countless souls struggling in a sea of suffering, it is indeed a ferryboat, a lighthouse. Moreover, its intricate philosophy is足以令人惊叹 (truly astonishing).
    I merely wonder: What is the material used to build this ferry that carries us across the sea of suffering? And what is the oil that fuels this lamp illuminating our confusion?
    Once, I seemed to see that statue of the Buddha with downcast eyes and a slight smile. Behind that compassionate smile, another face seemed to superimpose itself – the face of a Kshatriya prince, calmly surveying the realm and its people he must pacify, who finally found the most peaceful solution.
    The incense still burns. The smoke coils upward, one ring after another, finally dispersing into nothingness. The sound of the Dharma lecture hums along, pleasant to the ear.
    I push open the temple door and step outside. The sunlight is a bit harsh. On the ground, my shadow is short and very solid.

  • 释迦牟尼的账簿

            听说,有人要讲佛法了。
            讲经的台子,照例是高的。香烛的烟,袅袅地升上去,混着信徒们呵出的白气,把一张张仰着的脸,熏得朦朦胧胧的。讲的人说“苦”,说“空”,说“慈悲”。台下便有人叹气,有人垂泪,仿佛寻着了人生的真解。我向来是不大懂的,只疑心这“解”的根底,究竟扎在什么地方。

    一、 关于“轮回”:一间无限的典当行
            佛法的大厦,第一块砖,怕不是“慈悲”,倒是“轮回”。
    这真是个极巧妙的发明。它将人生的账簿,一下子拉长了,从今生这一页,直拉到无尽的往世与来生。今生为何苦?是前世欠的债。今生为何贱?是往昔造的孽。横竖都有个交代,这交代不在王法,不在官府,而在每个人自己看不见的“业”里。于是,不平的,可以安心忍受了;受苦的,可以甘之如饴了。横竖是“自作自受”,与旁人无干,与世道无涉。
            倘若把这“轮回”的砖抽掉,整座大厦便要哗啦啦地塌下来。没有那本无限延展的账簿,今生的苦与贱,便成了无处报销的糊涂账,成了赤裸裸的、必须直面的人间不公。那还了得?于是这“轮回”,便成了最要紧的压舱石,教人在惊涛骇浪的命运里,还能寻得一丝认命的安稳。这安稳,是冰冷的,然而对于某些人,却比热饭还要紧。

    二、 关于“种姓”:一帖精神的膏药
            释迦牟尼的时代,印度的种姓,是比山还难移的。
    有眼睛的,都看得见那森严的壁垒。生而为首陀罗,便世世为首陀罗;生而为婆罗门,便世世为婆罗门。血肉的躯壳,仿佛生下来就烙好了印章。这制度固然“古已有之”,却也像个生疮的腿,露在外面,总是不大雅观,且隐隐作痛,怕要生事。
            于是,佛法便送来了一帖精神的膏药。它说:且慢抱怨你的出身。你看那婆罗门,虽则今生尊贵,安知不是前世修行得来?你这首陀罗,虽则今生卑贱,安知不是前世懈怠所致?一切皆是“业果”,公道得很。你且忍了,修你的来世。这膏药不治腿上的疮,却专司麻醉痛觉。敷上去,那疮仿佛还是疮,但那痛,却飘飘渺渺,成了“修行”的资粮了。制度的铁幕,于是蒙上了一层慈悲的纱,看去便柔和了许多,也牢固了许多。

    三、 关于“菩提树下”:一份王子的国家预算
            释迦牟尼是王子,这是顶要紧的一件事。
            王子看天下,与农夫看天下,是不同的。农夫只看见自家的田和水,王子却要看见整个王国田亩的收成,水渠的分布,以及那维持这一切不起乱子的“平安”。他的“位”,决定了他的问题不是“我如何幸福”,而是“这芸芸众生,如何能各安其位,不生变乱”。
            于是,在菩提树下,他结算的或许不单是个人的烦恼,更是一份庞大的国家预算。刀兵是昂贵的,镇压是血腥的,而思想的疏导,却是最经济的。他开出的药方,是让每个人回头,向内,去清算自己那本“业”的私账,而不要联起手来,去清算这世间不公的总账。
            这不是阴谋,这或许是一种极高明的、悲悯的智慧。在一个种姓如铁、变革无望的时代,他给了绝望的人以“希望”(来世),给了愤怒的人以“解释”(业果),给了所有人一条向内的小路,免得他们一齐望向外面那堵撼不动的高墙。王国的平安,便在这众生的“自觉”中,悄然维系了。

    结语
            我并非说佛法不好。对于无数在苦海里挣扎的灵魂,它确是渡船,是灯塔。何况那里面精微的思辨,足以令人惊叹。
            我只是疑心,那渡我们过苦海的船,用的究竟是怎样的材?那照亮我们迷茫的灯,燃的又究竟是怎样的油?
            有一回,我似乎看见那尊低眉垂目的佛像,嘴角那抹慈悲的微笑后面,仿佛还叠着另一张脸——一张属于刹帝利王子,冷静地俯瞰着他必须安顿的疆土与众生,并终于寻得了一个最和平方案的脸。
            香烛还在烧着,烟一圈一圈,升上去,终于散在虚无里。讲经的声音,嗡嗡的,很好听。
            我推开经堂的门,走到外面。阳光有些刺眼,地上的人影,短短的,很实在。

    【背景】处在文化纷争冲突的最前沿,人需要保持敏锐的思辨,不然就会被各种纷纭的观点和理论体系弄到迷失。而且任何理论体系都是应该允许被公开、公平地讨论的。只有找到自己的方向,明白自己要选择相信什么,而不是盲目追随高大上且深不可测的理论,才不会弄丢自己的灵魂。

  • 陆游的选择

    陆游的选择

            沈园的墙,听说又粉刷过一遍了。

            粉得煞白,像新丧的孝布。游人们挤着,嚷着,要寻那墙上八百年前的墨迹。墨迹自然是寻不见的,便去摸那拓片——冰凉凉的,石板似的,字倒是凸的,指尖触着,有些硌人。于是满意了,仿佛真触着了那段“千古伤心事”,可以回去发朋友圈,佐茶饭。

            我原也以为,陆放翁是个痴人。

            你看他,二十岁上娶了表妹唐琬,一双璧人,才子佳人,该是话本里的圆满。偏生母亲不喜,三年便休了妻。休便休了,各自嫁娶,本是寻常。他倒好,七年后沈园重逢,见人家夫妇同游,便忍不住在墙上题了一阕《钗头凤》。又过四十年,白发苍苍了,还要旧地重游,再和一首“梦断香消四十年”。

            好一个“情痴”!

            然而近来灯下重读他的诗文集,却渐渐嚼出些别的滋味来。

            这痴,怕是有些太“方便”了。

    一、 孝子牌坊下的“不得已”

            历来都说,陆游休妻是“迫于母命”。自然,宋人重孝,母命确难违。但细想来,一个能在金戈铁马梦中写出“楼船夜雪瓜洲渡”的男儿,一个临终敢嘱“王师北定中原日,家祭无忘告乃翁”的志士,当真在母亲与妻子之间,寻不出第三条路么?

            纳妾如何?将唐琬迁居别院如何?甚或,以功名仕途为筹码,与母亲周旋一二,又如何?

            他选了最干净利落的一条:写休书。

            干净是干净了,他自己的前程、家族的体面、母亲的欢心,一时都顾全了。只“顾全”不了那个活生生的人。这选择里,有多少是“不能”,又有多少是“不愿”?

            后来他在官场蹭蹬,半生漂泊,便将这不得志的怨,隐隐地、曲折地,织进了对那段早夭情事的追忆里。仿佛牺牲了爱情,便该换得功名;既未换得,便是天下负他。这账,算得精细。

    二、 墨迹比人命长久

            最令我脊背发凉的,是沈园题词。

            若真是情难自禁,在自家诗稿上涂抹百首千首,由它“血泪”浸透纸背,也是个人的事。可他偏要题在公共的墙上,题在唐琬与她的新任丈夫可能看见、众人必然看见的地方。

            这哪里是悼亡?这分明是立碑。

            用最美的词句,最动人的韵律,将一段私情铸成公共的悲剧,也将那个他想忘却忘不掉、想护又护不了的女子,永远钉在了“陆游前妻”的十字架上。唐琬后来早逝,人说与见这词有关。不知放翁晚年再游沈园,摸着那早已刻进石缝的“错、错、错”,可曾想过,自己或许,又做“错”了一回?

            墨迹是比人命长久的。他用墨迹为自己铸了一座情圣的金身,香火受了八百年。而那金身脚下,可有一寸泥土,属于唐琬真实的悲喜?

    三、 爱国与爱美人,一样的面具?

            陆游的爱国,自是毋庸置疑的。他那近万首诗里,铁马冰河的梦做了大半生。这是他的伟大处。

            然而,一个在至为亲密的“齐家”之事上,尚且习惯于寻找最体面、最顺从主流、最利于己身叙事的捷径的人,他在至为庞大的“治国平天下”的抱负上,所念念不忘的,究竟是那个“国”与“天下”本身,还是“爱国者陆游”这一枚足以光耀史册、对抗现实失意的精神徽章?

            我并非质疑其诚。只是疑心,这诚里,掺杂了多少文人式的自我完成与悲剧美学。他的恨,是“遗民泪尽胡尘里”;他的盼,是“家祭无忘告乃翁”。一切都那么正确,那么经典,那么适于被后世引用于教科书。连同他的爱情,也一并经典化了。

            仿佛他的一生,都在为一部后人编纂的《陆放翁传奇》提供无可挑剔的素材。

    四、 活人总比故事艰难

            我们读史,读诗,常容易跌入一种陷阱:将人抽象为品格,将故事简化为美谈。于是陆游便成了“爱国诗人”与“情痴”的合体,供人瞻仰、唏嘘。

            可活人不是这样活的。

            活人要面对母亲的苛责、妻子的泪眼、前程的渺茫、内心的撕扯。活人要在无数个“不得已”中,做出真正属于人的选择——那选择往往泥泞不堪,事后回看,自己也嫌丑陋。活人更要承受选择的后果,而非将后果熬成诗句,便算两清。

            陆游的选择,聪明则聪明矣,得体则得体矣,甚至伟大则伟大矣。只是隔着八百年的烟尘,我仿佛仍能看见,那沈园粉墙之下,除了墨迹,或许还有些别的、更真实的东西,无声地渗进了泥土里。

            那东西,叫人的怯懦。

            粉墙终会再刷白,游人也终会散去。唯有园角的老梅,一年年地开着,不管人间是非。它见过那个春日,见过题词的人,也见过读词的人。它只是开着,谢着,从不多话。

            一九二五年,鲁迅于北平写《伤逝》,借涓生之口道:“我要向着新的生路跨进第一步去,我要将真实深深地藏在心的创伤中,默默地前行,用遗忘和说谎做我的前导。”

            陆游选择了“题词”,将创伤展览于世,用不朽的诗文做了前导。

            谁更勇敢?我不知道。

            我只知道,那堵墙,真的很白。

    【背景】此文是以平澜对陆游的观点为核心,模仿鲁迅文风试笔,力求冷峻讥诮,直指文人叙事中“自我美化”与“真实怯懦”的隙缝。